Fashion It So

Lonely Among Us - 1.7

Our buddy jurijuri gave us a tip to check out this first season episode, which involves a couple of warring alien life forms that are DECIDEDLY first-season-y, which means: THEY LOOK NUTS. Just mentally prep yourself for that. We start off in the transporter room, where the crew is dressed to the nines, or at least to the sevens:

 Dat ass

Is it me, or is Lt. Yar packing some extremely welcome junk in the trunk here? She looks like she’s been doing some butt-blasters, is all. She, Riker, and Picard are all in fancy uniforms to welcome the honored guests:

 Gold and mustard? WHO APPROVED THIS

The gold and burgundy is nice, almost reminiscent of the San Francisco 49ers, or a real fancy ketchup bottle. But gold and mustard? Nonononononono cat. Also, I don’t know what’s going on with Will’s collar, but it kind of looks like he missed a button.

Our first alien culture are the Selay:

 When I said “cobra commander” I meant…never mind

I want to give it up for Michael Westmore and his crew for the crazypants work they did on these guys’ faces. There was some SCULPTING and some MOLDING and some APPLICATION that went into this (but if you’ve been watching Face Off on SyFy, you know that already). But like…these look bananas. They look like a snake and a scary guy I vaguely remember from The Last Starfighter and Burn Gorman all had a baby, somehow.

The Snake People are, however, well-dressed. Look at those rich colors and prints!

The Arthur Collection by Bea for Bea Arthur

Okay, they all sort of look like elderly women attending an awards show, like a Maggie Smith or a Judi Dench (but not a Helen Mirren because DAMN HAVE YOU SEEN HER). But the draping is really beautiful and also you could eat like a whole chicken and no one could see the bloat.  

But this is just ONE of the alien cultures. Here’s a rep from the other one:

Falcor and the Great Mouse Detective had a baby

Why does this guy make me think of a karate-teaching mouse? He’s like a Disney villain made real. And while I thought the eyebrow braids one of those dwarves in The Hobbit wore were bold, these are eyebrow sideburns?! This is serious Brow Game here, people. 

We never get a real good look at his outfit, but:

For the last time, I’m not Santa Claus and a vole mixed together

I think they trimmed their robes with their OWN FUR. Like those Victorian ladies who wore hair jewelry. I guess it’s not that icky unless they’re actually wearing the pelts of their ancestors. I have a dress that belonged to my grandmother in the 40s, but I sure don’t want her skin. Sorry, that got real gross.

So the snake people and the karate mice both want to join the Federation, but they hate each other. The Enterprise is taking them to a neutral planet where they can settle their differences that is literally named Parliament. But here’s the thing: they kind of just…aren’t in the rest of the episode very much? Most of the rest of what happens involves a non-corporeal life form that gets into the ship and starts taking people over. First, it’s Worf:

There has to be an award for this sort of facial expression commitment

Worf gets all weird, and goes all crazy and ends up in sickbay with Bev, who is wearing what I can only describe as a head bra:

I’d buy a big prosthetic forehead and wear it on my real head

Unfortunately for her, the non-corporeal life form takes this opportunity to hop a ride on Bev’s corpus:

Lightning crashes, an old Klingon cries

So now Bev and her stupid too-dark Season 1 hair have to go do the bidding of the non-corporeal being. But first, let’s stop by the Crusher quarters and see what Wesley’s up to:

Those sweaters pulled all the bitches

Wesley is actually wearing the same sweater he wore in the previous episode, Where No One Has Gone Before. It’s such a great look, so of course. Of COURSE he would rock this ruffled cantaloupe monstrosity again. Great job, Wes, really a-number-one.

The non-corporeal being uses Bev to get into the ship’s computer, after which she relaxes in her Slanket:

Slanket > Snuggie

I kind of like Bev in raspberry. But not in microfleece. This looks like a ballgown made by North Face.

Picard now knows something weird is going on and is working with an ensign with incredible Cher-in-Moonstruck hair to try to solve the issue:

Snap out of it

The non-corporeal being, meanwhile, has gotten into yet another crew member, Mr. Singh:

This non-corporeal being is kind of a slut #getitgurl

Poor Mr. Singh is not as lucky as the other crew members and totally dies! 

Now that a crew member has perished, it’s time to do some detecting:

That’s a bubble pipe

There is this thing in the first season where Data is sort of like the weird kid you knew in middle school who maybe didn’t understand social interactions so well, and wore a cape or mismatched socks or something else that was too fashion-forward for your 12-year-old mind to process, and you were never really sure how to interact with him. The other crew members aren’t mean, exactly, but they laugh at him kind of a lot.

Will: plays trombone in jazz band, once got suspended for hitting on a substitute teacher. Yar: started the school’s environmental club, regrets that haircut

Bev: co-captain of science team, has every color of jeans. Troi: sleepovers at her house have MAD SNAXXXX

Finally, the non-corporeal being gets what it wants: PICARD.

There is more leadership in that hand than in most men’s arms, or bodies

Now that Picard’s under the influence, so to speak, he just chills out in cool poses:

Gangsta lean

Eventually the non-corporeal being shocks everyone on the ship…

…and beams itself, plus Picard, into a crazy purple cloud:

Patrick Stewart’s special skills include “vaporisation”

I actually just wanted to include that shot because I’m using the Blu-Ray screencaps from trekcore.com and they look HELLA GOOD.

Eventually, Picard’s energy makes it back into the ship’s computer and this happens:

Actual dialogue: “P…for Picard!!”

I’m not sure why he couldn’t just go to a console where he could spell whole sentences and be like “it’s me, I’ma transport back to the ship, meet you in the transporter room,” but this is sufficient and he is safely returned. Unfortunately one of the karate mice is trying to cook one of the snake people, but he just chuckles and is like “Will, you handle this.”

Also earlier this happened:

Listen, if there’s anyone on this ship who might be into a glow lasso, it’s Riker