The Schizoid Man - 2.6
Reader Brandon Z. sent us this recommendation with the following details: “It has Data with a beard, a blonde chick with rather sensible clothes (for STNG), a female Vulcan doctor (=less Pulaski), and a pretty good plot involving sexual repression and transferring of consciousness.”
I’M SORRY, DID YOU SAY LESS PULASKI? SIGN ME UP.
But this is how it starts:
You know what though? I’m gonna give one thing to her in this shot: that face looks fresh. to. death. (Late 80s-style, but still.) Pulaski always wears the minidress-ish uniform, which is fine. Fine. THIS IS FINE. MOVING ON.
Data calls Troi and Geordi into his quarters to check something out. This is their reaction.
Uhhhhh…sure, buddy. Sure
This is what they are reacting to:
Deal with it
Obviously the only explanation for this is that Data wants to be Riker.
The main plot of this episode is that the Enterprise receives a distress call from a planet, and an away team goes to check it out. Medical assistance is requested, but instead of Pulaski, Dr. Selar goes. Who is Dr. Selar, you ask?
Why, it’s just Suzie Plakson, AKA K’Ehleyr, AKA Worf’s Baby Mama, AKA Queen of Jumpsuits. Except right now? She’s a hot Vulcan doctor, because it is impossible for her not to be hot.
You are working that haircut that belongs on a 1950s Dennis the Menace type character SO HARD and I am NOT MAD AT IT. Also: blush level is HIGH today, I repeat HIGH.
The person who made the distress call was this lady, Kareen:
I like a sensible wrap vest to pull a look together
Kareen and her boss, Dr. Ira Graves, Respected Scientist, live in seclusion on this planet. Kareen is wearing a lovely ensemble in burnt oranges and rusty mandarins that by all rights should look terrible on her (she looks like more of a Summer to me than an Autumn), but look quite lovely, actually.
She works for this guy:
Hello. I’m a diiiiiiiiick
This guy, a “respected scientist” literally says, like a minute after he’s introduced, “Women aren’t people. They’re women.”
FOR THAT REMARK, SIR, YOU DESERVE THAT UGLY-ASS ROTTEN OATMEAL COAT.
Still a dick
Oh, you thought you could make that look good with some bronze accents? SORRY, IT DIDN’T WORK. AND YOU’RE STILL A DICK. AND THEN YOU DIED.
He did die, in the show.
Basically what happens then is that Dr. Dick transfers his consciousness into Data’s body, and everyone is like “Data, you are trippppinnnnnn.” Then Kareen changes into this outfit:
Are they pants or a skirt? DOES IT MATTER?
Once again, she is rocking those Autumn colors. Maybe I was wrong. Are you an Autumn, Kareen?
Okay, maybe you’re not an Autumn. That caca brown is doing you no favors. However: get that thing in a nice berry like Deanna’s wearing or a deep teal and we can talk.
Photoshop level: expert
See? Much better.
Can we get Naomi Watts? She’s still in Australia? Okay
This was just a really nice shot of her good hair. Since Dr. Dick is now living in Data’s body and also since Dr. Dick was apparently pining for his hot young assistant, Dr. Dick in Data’s body tries to get with her (grosssssss) and convince her to live forever with him in an android body. Like Twilight, but not.
She says no.
HA HA CHECK OUT THIS STUPID-ASS BIOLOGICAL BODY
Dr. Dick lives in Data for a little while longer, while his real body chills in a space coffin. But then they get Dr. Dick out of Data and he goes into the ship’s computer. Obviously.
This was a weird episode with not much in the clothing department, but just for good measure:
Isn’t that so much nicer?