Q Who - 2.16
You see that punny title. You know who’s here:
FUCKIN’ Q, THAT’S WHO
Hey Q, you dickwad.
You see that punny title. You know who’s here:
FUCKIN’ Q, THAT’S WHO
Hey Q, you dickwad.
Reader Brandon Z. sent us this recommendation with the following details: “It has Data with a beard, a blonde chick with rather sensible clothes (for STNG), a female Vulcan doctor (=less Pulaski), and a pretty good plot involving sexual repression and transferring of consciousness.”
I’M SORRY, DID YOU SAY LESS PULASKI? SIGN ME UP.
But this is how it starts:
You know what though? I’m gonna give one thing to her in this shot: that face looks fresh. to. death. (Late 80s-style, but still.) Pulaski always wears the minidress-ish uniform, which is fine. Fine. THIS IS FINE. MOVING ON.
Data calls Troi and Geordi into his quarters to check something out. This is their reaction.
Uhhhhh…sure, buddy. Sure
This is what they are reacting to:
Deal with it
Obviously the only explanation for this is that Data wants to be Riker.
The main plot of this episode is that the Enterprise receives a distress call from a planet, and an away team goes to check it out. Medical assistance is requested, but instead of Pulaski, Dr. Selar goes. Who is Dr. Selar, you ask?
Why, it’s just Suzie Plakson, AKA K’Ehleyr, AKA Worf’s Baby Mama, AKA Queen of Jumpsuits. Except right now? She’s a hot Vulcan doctor, because it is impossible for her not to be hot.
You are working that haircut that belongs on a 1950s Dennis the Menace type character SO HARD and I am NOT MAD AT IT. Also: blush level is HIGH today, I repeat HIGH.
The person who made the distress call was this lady, Kareen:
I like a sensible wrap vest to pull a look together
Kareen and her boss, Dr. Ira Graves, Respected Scientist, live in seclusion on this planet. Kareen is wearing a lovely ensemble in burnt oranges and rusty mandarins that by all rights should look terrible on her (she looks like more of a Summer to me than an Autumn), but look quite lovely, actually.
She works for this guy:
Hello. I’m a diiiiiiiiick
This guy, a “respected scientist” literally says, like a minute after he’s introduced, “Women aren’t people. They’re women.”
FOR THAT REMARK, SIR, YOU DESERVE THAT UGLY-ASS ROTTEN OATMEAL COAT.
Still a dick
Oh, you thought you could make that look good with some bronze accents? SORRY, IT DIDN’T WORK. AND YOU’RE STILL A DICK. AND THEN YOU DIED.
He did die, in the show.
Basically what happens then is that Dr. Dick transfers his consciousness into Data’s body, and everyone is like “Data, you are trippppinnnnnn.” Then Kareen changes into this outfit:
Are they pants or a skirt? DOES IT MATTER?
Once again, she is rocking those Autumn colors. Maybe I was wrong. Are you an Autumn, Kareen?
Okay, maybe you’re not an Autumn. That caca brown is doing you no favors. However: get that thing in a nice berry like Deanna’s wearing or a deep teal and we can talk.
Photoshop level: expert
See? Much better.
Can we get Naomi Watts? She’s still in Australia? Okay
This was just a really nice shot of her good hair. Since Dr. Dick is now living in Data’s body and also since Dr. Dick was apparently pining for his hot young assistant, Dr. Dick in Data’s body tries to get with her (grosssssss) and convince her to live forever with him in an android body. Like Twilight, but not.
She says no.
HA HA CHECK OUT THIS STUPID-ASS BIOLOGICAL BODY
Dr. Dick lives in Data for a little while longer, while his real body chills in a space coffin. But then they get Dr. Dick out of Data and he goes into the ship’s computer. Obviously.
This was a weird episode with not much in the clothing department, but just for good measure:
Isn’t that so much nicer?
Ugh, you guys PULASKI. Not only is she in this episode, but it’s like, HER EPISODE. Whatever. Fine. Let’s get this over with. It’s mostly uniforms anyway.
As we get on in the series, I’ve started to think about the Season 1 and 2 uniforms fondly. I mean, look at Data’s pecs here:
Do Androids Dream of Hard Nipples? Because this one’s got ‘em.
This episode is crazy boring. I’m just going to get that out of the way first. There are NO fashions and also the plot is kind of stupid. Basically, they get stuck in a space hole and are taunted by a being who wants to kill them and then they escape. That’s pretty much it.
It opens with a scene that I guess is supposed to echo the rest of the episode with Worf and Riker in the holodeck:
Worf IS Michael Jackson IN Wolverine: One Glove, One Love
This episode was specifically requested by a couple of people: Stacey B. called it “a feast for the senses,” which is pretty apt, and Jaquitron pointed out the “ridiculous ‘martial arts’ costumes around 7 minutes from the end. It’s like Power Rangers-meets-Robocop with giant Q-tips as weapons.”
She then added, “Even if you don’t end up featuring these, I hope that they at least amused you.”
GIRL, ARE YOU NEW? WE WILL FEATURE THOSE. WE WOULD FUCKING WEAR THOSE IF WE COULD.
Anyway, the episode starts out blandly enough, with Riker’s dad arriving on the Enterprise for a visit. Rikes greets him like a sullen teen:
You can’t tell me what to do (with my beard)
This was one of the episodes shown at last Thursday’s FATHOM EVENT “A Celebration of Season 2”, which - in case you weren’t there - was CRAZY FUN. Everyone laughed at Wesley, the bloopers they showed were so funny I cried real tears, and one of my friends tried to get a hot dog but ended up with hot dog sliders, which are apparently a real thing.
The notable thing about this episode in this format was that it had EXTRA MINUTES that weren’t aired originally, but were restored along with the rest of it for the Season Two Blu-ray release. I think it’s fair to say that the cuts they made were smart, but it was cool to see the extra scenes.
The other thing about this episode is that it is incredibly boring from a fashion perspective. It’s all uniforms plus Guinan. Not a lot going on. But we will see what we can find. I mean, this isn’t a terrible way to begin:
Don’t forget! TNG at the movie theater this Thursday, 11/29 at 7pm! I (Anna) will be attending in a jumpsuit, so if you’re in NYC, please say hi. Charlie can’t go because he lives in the wilderness (but he can go to Waffle House whenever he wants, so you win some you etc).
There are a handful of categories into which most episodes of TNG can be grouped. There are the Somebody New On Board types, where someone comes on the ship for [reasons] and shenanigans ensue. There are the This Planet Be Crazy episodes, where the crew goes to a planet for [reasons] and shenanigans ensue. There are the Picard Must Face It Alone episodes, and the Q Acts Like a Dick episodes, and and a few other categories that can be mixed and matched to form the delicious cocktail that is TNG.
And then there are the holodeck episodes.
I know they’re dumb. But people can like dumb things. Look how much everyone loves Ryan Lochte. I like Barclay, and I like Picard in a fedora and I even like Data in the Wild West even though that episode was so, so stupid, because when else are we going to get to see Brent Spiner dressed as a saloon wench?
But this episode actually addresses some interesting philosophical points about the artificial intelligence that the holodeck can create (also: YOUR COMPUTER IS REALLY POWERFUL, GUYS). As usual, if you want good analysis and plot details, check out the AV Club review. We’re here to talk about clothes. And hair!
Tell me who/Can break my heart as much as you
Friend of the blog Deborah: TNG’s 2.20 episode The Emissary has so many jumpsuits that you should write about but also own and wear often. Also, the introduction of Alexander’s mother. And possibly Alexander’s conception.
Anna: I love Alexander’s mother. She fine.
Deborah: She’s a fierce bitch. I enjoy that aside from the forehead ridges, she could basically walk the runway of RuPaul’s Drag Race. Kind of a Chad Michaels.
These are the kinds of email exchanges I have.
So we open on this season two episode with some of the crew playing poker:
The pokeriest of faces
Listen, we’re all here because we know and love the beauty and wonder that is Star Trek: TNG. But not every at-bat is a home run (oh wait, using a sports metaphor here might be like trying to let musical theater fans know that a show they might be interested in will be premiering the monday after the super bowl… anyway). Maybe better I quote Scully in the X-Files episode where Peter Boyle plays a clairvoyant insurance salesman: asked by Scully to foresee his own death, he says “We end up in bed together.” Scully looks at him witheringly and then says, “Mister Bruckman… there are hits and there are misses. And then there are misses.”
All by way of saying that this episode was a bit of a miss. At one point, Troi actually says, “Would you be suggesting a ruse of some sort?”
Or perhaps you are suggesting a rouge of some sort.